Why You Keep Sabotaging Yourself (and How to Stop)
You decide you’re finally going to make a change — apply for that job, commit to healthier habits, set better boundaries.
But then something happens. You procrastinate. You skip the gym. You talk yourself out of sending the application. You say yes when you wanted to say no.
It’s frustrating, and you might wonder, “What’s wrong with me? Why do I keep getting in my own way?”
The truth is, self-sabotage isn’t a sign of weakness or laziness — it’s usually a sign that different parts of you are pulling in opposite directions. And that’s exactly where Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy can help.
The Real Reason Behind Self-Sabotage
From the IFS perspective, your mind isn’t one single voice — it’s made up of many parts, each with its own feelings, beliefs, and goals.
Some parts want you to succeed, take risks, and grow. Others are deeply concerned about keeping you safe from failure, rejection, or pain — even if that means holding you back.
These protective parts often show up as:
The Inner Critic – Trying to “motivate” you by pointing out flaws before others can.
The Perfectionist – Avoiding action until it’s guaranteed to be flawless.
The Distractor – Steering you toward TV, food, scrolling, or anything but the scary thing.
They might seem like they’re sabotaging you, but in reality, they’re trying to protect you — just in ways that no longer serve you.
How IFS Therapy Helps You Break the Cycle
IFS offers a compassionate way to understand and work with your inner parts instead of fighting them.
In therapy, you’ll learn to:
Identify the parts that tend to derail your plans.
Listen to their fears and understand what they’re trying to protect you from.
Access your Self — the calm, wise core within you that can lead with compassion.
Reassure and guide your parts so they feel safe enough to step back.
Release old burdens these parts have been carrying, freeing you to move forward.
This process isn’t about forcing yourself to “just do it” — it’s about creating genuine inner alignment so your energy is no longer split in two.
What Change Looks Like
Clients often describe the shift like this:
“I feel less afraid to put myself out there.”
“I can hear my inner critic, but it doesn’t run the show anymore.”
“I’m actually following through on things instead of avoiding them.”
“It feels easier to make decisions without overthinking.”
When your parts trust that you can lead with confidence and care, they don’t need to sabotage your efforts — they become allies instead.
Why Choose IFS for Self-Sabotage?
IFS is different from other approaches because it doesn’t label you as “broken” or try to push parts of you away. Instead, it treats every part with respect, helping you turn inner conflict into inner cooperation.
At Feel Your Way Therapy, our IFS-informed therapists guide you through this process at your pace, helping you break free from self-sabotaging cycles and step into a more confident, self-led life.
Ready to Stop Working Against Yourself?
You don’t have to keep fighting an endless battle inside your own mind. With the right support, you can understand your inner parts, heal old wounds, and move toward the life you truly want.
Contact us today to book your first IFS session and start turning self-sabotage into self-support.
