How to Improve Communication When Your Partner Has ADHD
When one partner has ADHD and the other doesn't, communication challenges can create tension and misunderstandings in the relationship. Many couples in this dynamic describe feeling like they are “speaking different languages.” But it’s possible to understand why these communication issues happen, since they’re often predictable for people with this relationship dynamic. Here are concrete strategies you can use to improve communication with your partner with ADHD.
Understanding Communication Challenges with ADHD
Relationships where one partner has ADHD often face predictable communication patterns. The partner with ADHD may struggle to stay on topic during conversations, forget important details about plans or responsibilities, or react emotionally before having time to pause and reflect. These behaviors aren't intentional—they're symptoms of how ADHD affects executive functioning and emotional regulation.
Meanwhile, the non-ADHD partner may feel ignored, dismissed, or even purposefully hurt when their needs aren't met. They might find themselves repeatedly having conversations about household responsibilities or feeling like their partner isn't listening. This dynamic can create a cycle of frustration that affects both people.
Schedule Dedicated Conversation Times
Instead of bringing up important topics spontaneously, establish specific times for discussions about planning, responsibilities, or relationship needs. This might look like a weekly check-in after dinner every Sunday or a daily fifteen-minute conversation before bed.
Scheduled conversations help the ADHD partner compartmentalize and focus more effectively. It also reduces the likelihood of important topics coming up when one or both of you are already overwhelmed. When they know a discussion is coming, they can mentally prepare rather than being caught off-guard, which often leads to more productive exchanges.
Be Clear and Direct in Your Communication
Avoid expecting your partner to read between the lines or pick up on subtle hints. People with ADHD benefit from straightforward, specific communication rather than ambiguous suggestions. They’re not mind readers, and expecting them to “just know” what you need often leads to frustration on both sides.
Instead of saying "Can you help out more with the kids?" try "Could you help Emma with her math homework every Tuesday and Thursday at 7 PM?" The more concrete your request, the easier it is for your partner to understand exactly what you need and follow through.
Slow Things Down Emotionally
Because emotional reactions can escalate quickly, it’s helpful to intentionally slow conversations down. If you notice rising tension, suggest a pause rather than pushing through. Saying something like, “I think we’re both getting overwhelmed. Can we take a break and come back to this?” can prevent hurtful exchanges and model emotional regulation.
Become Their Emotional Safety Person
People with ADHD often feel unseen, misunderstood, or criticized, especially in close relationships. Notice and name your partner's emotions when you sense something is off. If they come home seeming upset, try saying, "It seems like something bothered you today. Can we talk about it?"
This validation helps your partner feel seen and understood rather than dismissed. Your partner might sometimes feel their emotions are treated as overreactions, so having their person acknowledge their feelings creates important emotional safety in the relationship.
Prioritize Your Own Mental Health
Supporting a partner with ADHD requires energy and patience. Make sure you're also taking care of your own needs and not sacrificing your wellbeing in the process. Set healthy boundaries to prevent yourself from slipping into a parenting role with your romantic partner.
Getting Help
If communication continues to break down despite your efforts, consider working with a couples counselor, especially one trained in ADHD. Couples therapy can help you both identify and overcome recurring communication traps.
Living with different neurological styles requires understanding, patience, and intentional communication strategies. At Key Counseling Atlanta, our therapists can help couples navigate ADHD-related challenges and build stronger relationships. Contact us to learn more about couples counseling.
About the Author
Michelle Hession, LCSW is a Georgia licensed clinical social worker and the founder of Key Counseling Group. She provides counseling to individuals dealing with anxiety, depression, grief, stress, life transitions, OCD, substance abuse, eating disorders, trauma, ADHD, autism, infertility, postpartum depression, miscarriage, and career-related issues. She also works with children. Michelle uses modalities including IFS, brainspotting, somatic experiencing, the Gottman Method, EMDR, and mindfulness when working with clients. She offers sessions in Atlanta, Decatur, Roswell, and online.